


Pull the Trigger

by orphan_account



Series: A Lesson in Romantics [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-06
Updated: 2011-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-20 04:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your hand slips off of the doorknob and your feet slap against the hardwood of the hallway. He calls out for you to come back, but you can't. You're running from your feelings, just as you have for the past half-decade. It's always kept you safe, so why should now be any different?</p><p> </p><p>[AU]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Movie That You've Seen One-Hundred Times

He hasn’t talked to you much over the past few days. You’re not surprised. It makes your gut churn- you were stupid to think you ever had any chance. Everything has been upturned by a simple confession. The thought of Lalonde being wrong for once doesn’t even help.

 

You’re still hanging on to weeks ago, when he held your hand and pressed it to his cheek and everything felt alright. Now you’re not so sure things will feel alright for awhile, if ever. She fucked it all up. She’s not even around anymore and she’s still fucking things up.

 

But you can’t blame it all on her. That’s just not cool- not even on any levels of ironic is it cool to blame your problems on other people. Admittedly, if you had never fallen for him, you wouldn’t have this problem. So you’ll blame your own stupid heart- at least it’s a lot easier.

 

 

You sleep in later, not bothering to get up when you don’t need to. Karkat books you twice a week at Alternia now. Seeing John at all becomes a rare occurrence- you run on completely different schedules. The only thing you are concerned with is the rent, and it does get paid. Otherwise, you avoid him at all costs.

 

Being roommates should be awkward. You really wonder why he hasn’t moved out by this point. It’s very questionable indeed, but it’s the one thing, the last shred you hang onto- that maybe he’s sticking around for a reason. It’s laughable, though, that idea.

 

Twice he’s tried to start a conversation with you and twice you’ve frozen up and not responded. You fuck things up so much- you’re really good at that these days, fucking up.

 

 

“I can’t do it anymore Rose, I can’t I can’t…” Your voice comes out half-hysterical and half-unintelligible. You are significantly drunk, and Rose is, (out of the kindness of that black hole she calls a heart), helping you home.

 

“Give me your keys, Strider.” Blubber blubber blubber. She has to retrieve them from you in a fun game of keep away in which you insist on holding them up high and snickering at her as she only glares at you.

 

Your stomach is roiling- damn, you really must have drunk a lot. Rose gets the door open and dumps you on the couch, where you gratefully curl up to the pillows and mumble nonsensically. There is motion in the apartment you really don’t have it in you to give a shit about, and so you dose off as voices begin to trickle from the kitchen.

 

 

There are a few things you realize when you wake up. One; you have the worst hangover in your entire life. Two; something lukewarm and damp is pressed to your forehead. Three; there is a body pressing into your side, and that definitely worries you.

 

The latter two are quickly explained. John is asleep, lying next to you and half falling off the couch, his hand pressing a washcloth to your forehead. You groan softly, looking hazily around the dim apartment. Everything is quiet and normal, and John is fully clothed so you’re assuming nothing happened, (which you don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed at.)

 

All you want right now is a bottle of extra strength aspirin and three weeks of sleep. But you don’t want to disturb John; not when he’s so close. It’d be a real shame. Plus, you’re Dave Strider, and Dave Strider can handle a fucking hangover-

 

“Oh shit hnnnfgggghr _kglgklh-_ ” You expertly lean over John and vomit _everywhere_.

 

 

“That was pretty fucking gross, man.” John smiles a bit at you as he takes a seat on the coffee table, giving a glance down at the wet spot in the carpet. It’s been cleaned and scrubbed by this point, but you still feel horrible about it. You stare miserably at him and groan into the couch.

 

“It’s not that bad! It happens, you know? All good.” He waves his hand and you nod a bit.

 

Silence stretches between the two of you for several long moments. You don’t know what to say. You don’t know if you want to talk, anyway. However, John finally breaks the silence.

 

“Maybe it’s… not the greatest time… but maybe we should… talk about what happened?”

 

Fuck your life.


	2. The Moral This Time Is...

_“Dave?”_

 _The doorknob is warm- or your palm is, contrasting in sticky-slick sweat and a firm grip on the metal. You can't look at him. You're frozen, looking at the floor and searching for words like a fish for air, and they just are not coming._

 _His hand presses to your shoulder and you jump at the contact. Unconsciously, you squeeze your eyes shut, though it doesn't even matter behind your shades._

 _John begins to talk and you barely hear him. There's an immense whooshing noise in your ears- your blood, your heartbeat? Then four words bring you crashing down and you look at John sharply._

 _“What?”_

 _“I said, do you like me?”_

 _He doesn't even need an answer with the way you pause, mouth half-open and your breath leaving you in a slow, audible exhale. Your gut wrenches with the way his eyes spark and his lips twist. Visible disgust. You can't stay._

 _Your hand slips off of the doorknob and your feet slap against the hardwood of the hallway. He calls out for you to come back, but you can't. You're running from your feelings, just as you have for the past half-decade. It's always kept you safe, so why should now be any different?_  

'One thing,' - _shut up conscience-_ '-he knows now, Dave.' _It's right._

 

“Sure. Why the fuck not?” You laugh a little, but it's weak.

“Well, Dave, I just... Why?”

A sickening flopping thing goes off in your stomach, and it has nothing to do with your hangover this time. Neither of you say anything for a few moments, then he breaks the silence with a sigh. “Alright. You're not ready.”

“Fuck you, John.” Your words are angry and harsh. He blinks at you and raises an eyebrow.

“Excus-”

“Fuck you and your perfect fucking demeanor and those derpy glasses and those adorkable fucking buckteeth- fuck _everything_ about you that made me fall in love with you.” You sit up and tear your glasses off, just so that he can see you glare. “If you really want to know how I feel, that's it right there. I'm... I'm Dave fucking Strider and I shouldn't have spent five years pining after one derp in the most whacked relationship when I could easily have had as many girlfriends as I would have ever wanted. But I did because I always held out this slim little hope, John. That maybe one day you would reciprocate.” You laugh dryly, then. “Even now when I'm pouring my innocent girly little heart out to you, you're sitting there like a twat.”

He blinks owlishly in response to that, and you curse yourself inwardly. He didn't deserve any of that. Not a word. Blankets tangle around your ankles and you stumble to the bathroom as another wave of nausea claims you. 

 

“I know you didn't mean it.”

“Whatever.”

“Dave, I've known you since middle school. You think I wouldn't know when you're just being an ass?”

A wan smile passes over your lips. “Alright. I didn't mean some of it.”

“Some?”

“...Most.”

Egbert smiles at you. “Can I ask you something?”

“Fire away Egderp.” He pouts. Your heart flutters.

Those buck teeth of his scrape against his bottom lip and he picks at chipping paint on the kitchen table. “Why do you think I've stuck around for so long?”

“Because you're broke and you couldn't afford or manage to live on your own?” He smacks your arm and you cackle.

“Be serious for a few minutes!”

You stare at him and tilt your shades down. “Alright I'll humor you. Why?”

Deadpan glare. “Fuck Dave. You still don't get it. You're my best bro.” ZING! Friend-zoned.

“Oh my I'm gushing with joy at this completely unknown fact.”

“Dave.” He rolls his eyes and lays his hand over yours. “If you had just given it some time-”

Wait. Waitwaitwait what the fuck was going on-

“-which, I mean, I know it wasn't your fault, and you did give it a lot of time-”

No. Nope. Naaaah. Not possible.

“-okay, I'm rambling here, but what I mean to say is-”

“Spit it the fuck out.”

“You've waited a long time, right?” That could mean a lot of things?

“Uhhhhhh?”

He raises his eyebrows and wiggles them a bit. You resist the urge to snort.

Wait.

Oh.

 _Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a clusterfuck, I apologize for the very late chapter post.


	3. This is Just a Fix

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: Why would you ever tell John no? >:(

TG: it wasnt the right moment

TG: besides hes your brother

TG: bro code cant date siblings

GG: Dave that makes no sense!

TG: sure it does

GG: I think you are just scared!

GG: You know I wouldnt care! Its been ages since we dated.

GG: Take a chance Dave? :\

GG: ...Dave?

turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!

 

 

“Hey bro, it's been awhile.”

“Heeeey. How's a motherfucker hanging?”

“Oh, you know. Just hanging. Life and all that shit.”

“Yeah man I know, all them fuckin' miracles of life and whatnot all just a jumbling up and making things all more complicated 'n shit.” Gamzee nods sympathetically. You smirk and give him a fist bump.

“Since when've you been playing at Alternia?” You take a hit off the joint he passes you- you've both been standing in the alley behind the club since you abandoned your pesterchat with Jade and sneaked off to drown your half-existent sorrows again.

“Since like, last fuckin' month my man! Been droppin' rhymes here and there when I need the cash.” He gestures for the joint and you pass it back.

Your brain is sufficiently hazy and you nod slowly. “Sounds pretty fuckin' chill.”

“The chillest.” He pats you on the back and laughs, a fluctuating wheezy thing. “Bro I'll see you later, yeah? Gotta all up and meet my homegirl somewhere.”

“Homegirl? Who the fuck's dating you?” You joke.

He laughs again. “Dunno if you know her bro. I used'ta call'er MF when she was dealing for me.”

“MF?”

“Short for Mindfang. She used to be into these motherfuckin' roleplay games and she used it for 'covert deals' or some shit. It all up and stuck to my brain.”

“What's her name then?”

He's backing out of the alley now, throwing the butt of the joint down and stepping on it to kill the flame. He gives you a wave and calls “Vriska!” as he exits.

 

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

TG: you are possibly the biggest bitch i have ever had the most unfortunate grace of meeting

TG: how long were you dating the clown

TG: how the hell could he ever compare

AG: I suggest you shut up 8efore you get ahead of yourself.

AG: Gamzee is a convenient stand in.

TG: stand in

TG: you really think john is coming back to you

TG: fuck you are even more deluded than i thought

AG: Noooooooo, I know he is going to come 8ack to me.

AG: You see Strider, there is a delicate pattern we have set over the years.

AG: And John is not 8reaking out of the mold so easily.

AG: He will come 8ack eventually, you'll see.

AG: 8ye 8ye~

arachnidsGrip [AG] has gone offline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS I LOVE YOU C8  
> This chapter and the last one are filled with sweet, sweet plot devices.  
> I swear.  
> Ate banana pudding, two bowls. Was like God himself made it then added unicorn tears.  
> Yeah I'm not going to bed tonight.


	4. Lipstick Lullabies

“Dave I would really rather not go out-!”

“No choice, Egbert. I've got a slot at Alternia and you haven't been to see me since last November.” He doesn't point out that you've been keeping count of how long it's been.

Pout. “Fine.”

You sit him at the bar and get him situated, telling Terezi to “go easy on the newbie, alright?” to which she cackles at. You dearly hope he'll make it through the night without her talking his ears off and probably embarrassing the fuck out of you in the process.

A quick scan of the club promises you a good revenue for the night- and with Egbert there, you feel like showing off a little. Once you get a few familiar pieces out of the way, you throw some new ones in to mix it up. The crowd is cheering and pumped and dancing- a job well done, if you do say so yourself.

Terezi is animatedly chattering with John when you return to the bar. He's laughing and nodding, getting a few things in here and there. You pause when you hear your name, then stride up, slipping between the two of them and leaning back on the bar.

“'Rez, my girl, what kinda lies have you been feeding Egbert here?” You ruffle said boys hair and she grins at you, slinging an arm around your shoulders.

“Lies?! Why I've just been telling him a few of the, ah, _experiences_ we've had together.” She giggles gleefully when you blush. “Oh look you're blushing again~” How the hell does she always know?!

“Better stop telling those stories 'fore your old man hears.”

“Karkitty~?” She kicks her feet and licks your nose. “What's he gonna do about it?”

“Uh, beat my ass?”

“Awww~ Are you scared of the fewocious little kitten~?”

“Never.” You scoff. “But I'd rather not get in a row over you tonight. This beautiful face keeps the ladies coming.”

“Sure it does.” She pats your cheek, then hops off the bar stool. Her head now dips below your chin. “Come dance~”

“Ahhh, I can't do that 'Rez.” While it would have once been your own personal pleasure to place your hands on those curvacious hips and grind up a storm on the dance floor, things have changed. “Gotta watch the derp.” You throw your thumb over your shoulder

She grins toothily, her canines flashing at you in the strobe lights. Tipping her glasses down, she surveys a spot next to your ear with milky eyes. “Did you finally sway him?” You hesitate, glancing at him.

“Not really...”

“I see... How about you tell me about it some other time, hmm?” She cackles a final time and leaves you with a smack to the butt. You grimace and rub your ass before sliding into the chair she had been sitting in, looking over at John.

“Having fun?” You call over the music.

He gives you an uneasy look. “Oh yeah!”

He's not. You give a laugh and grab his arm. “I'm done for the night, you... We can go ahead and leave!”

“Are you sure?"

“Yeah.” You give him a lazy smile- a rarity, only for his eyes.

 

The apartment is just up the street, so you're just going to walk back. You joke and laugh on the way back, hands shoved in your pockets to fight off the frigid spring air. He teases you about some of the things Terezi told him, and you're totally blushing, you can't hide it. You fend off his jokes with jeers at his magic hobbies and love of horrible movies, which he defends wholeheartedly.

He pulls his key out when you reach the apartment, laughing at your current poke at Con Air. His laugh is really nice, you're just now noticing. You stop his hand on the lock, and he looks up at you, still laughing just a bit and raising a questioning eyebrow to you.

“Dave?”

“I'm sorry.” You murmur. “Sorry for everything. Every time I yelled and everything that's happened and...” His laughter has died and he gapes softly- because you've backed him up a bit.

“-and this.” You lean down, just those few inches that you're taller than him, and kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huphup. Chapter five shall come tomorrow, I suppose.


	5. You Taste Him On Your Lips

John pulls back from the kiss after a few moments, and you hiss through your teeth, looking at the ground. He shifts awkwardly, and shuffles your hand off of his, so he can unlock the door. You reach up and rub at your eyes, your glasses tumbling from your face with the movement. You don't even bother to pick them up.

 

“Come inside, Dave.” He says softly, but you're still staring at the ground. He grabs your hands and tugs, and you trip into the apartment. Turning, you see him pick up your glasses from the hallway before shutting the door.

 

“Here.” He slips them into your hand and looks at you, eyes void of the mirth from minutes ago. You curse inwardly.

 

“I'm not going to play games with you, okay? I gave you a chance and you said no- if... if you want to... If you want this, then you need to be straight about it.” He gulps audibly and you blink at him.

 

 _What?_

“I just- I'm not gonna be yanked around anymore, okay?” He squeezes his eyes shut and you catch him flexing his hand into a fist in the corner of your eye. “I can't do that again.”

 

“John, I'm not going to-”

 

“Promise!”

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“Promise me!” He looks at you fiercely and you almost flinch.

 

“Of course I won't!” He's still glaring. Oh god, he's being fucking technical. “I _promise_ I won't, John.” You both stand like that for awhile before he finally relaxes.

 

“Alright.” You smile. That wasn't so hard...

 

“John?”

 

“Hm?”

 

 _Clatter._ “If I kiss you this time, are you going to pull away?”

A blush crosses his cheeks and he splutters. You don't think he's going to get a clear answer out anytime soon, so you don't wait for it.

His cheek is soft and warm in your hand, and he quickly tries to form his lips into a shape suitable to return your kiss. It makes you smirk- everyone aims to please the Strider, please ladies, form an orderly line. He breaks the kiss to hide his face in your shirt.

“What the hell're you hiding for? I damn well know that wasn't your first kiss.”

“I...” John pulled his face back. “I've never been kissed like that.”

Eyebrow arch. “Like what? Without a forked tongue boring down your throat-”

“Dave!”

“-or shark teeth gnawing your lip to shreds-”

“DAVE!”

You're chucking now. “Okay, okay, I'll stop.” He pouts at you and you ruffle his hair, and for once, you feel happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a sequel to this. Haven't decided. Gonna work on Sugar Bowl then reevaluate :y  
> ALSO HAPPY BELATED FOURTH OF JULY IF YOU'RE AMERICAN  
> or w/e

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. It's about time for me to go to bed.
> 
> Also, if you don't know, somehow, read my earlier work "Girls Make Boys Cry" before you read this, and it will all make sense.


End file.
